Sometimes I think I’ve forgotten how to live fearlessly (not to be mistaken with living dangerously…which is never a good idea!)
From One Republic: “When we were children we’d play out in the streets just tempting fate. When we were children we’d say that we don’t know the meaning of fear….wish I didn’t know the meaning of fear.”
But Europe taught me how to be fearless. Cautious, yes, but also fearless. Questioning where limits were, finding my own boundaries. I’ve always fit everything into a neat little box in my life. It was so high and so deep and so wide and that was it. No matter if I could hold more or less, it just was.
My box was trampled on in England. I did things that scared the daylights out of me. I lived fearlessly. I went left instead of right at the fork in the road. I mean, I’d find my way out of the forest eventually, right? I was spontaneous. I was….fun (correct me if I’m wrong on the fun part, Hannah and Anna).
One would think that being in a strange place with people you barely know would make failing all the more scary…but it had the opposite effect for me. In places that were completely dangerous (like the Paris metro at night…yikes) I felt completely safe even though in reality, I probably could have been mugged. Here I am, young, traveling with people I’ve know for only a few weeks but trusting my life with them. It was fearless.
Back at home, I feel like I’m falling back into my box though. Being at home, jobless and watching my bank account only go down, is depressing. And it’s scaring me back into being “boring, practical” Kassey. Of course there’s merit in being level headed, but I wish I could get back to that feeling of fearlessness and invincibility. Like I can do and go and see and be anything. “You’re only as happy as you make your mind up to be” (or something like that). Maybe I just made my mind up that I was going to be fearless because I was in Europe and not going to waste any opportunity…and maybe I need to make my mind up that even though I’m back in Ohio, the adventure doesn’t end. It’s just a different adventure, and it’s just begun.